Astro Alloy - Eighteen

Available for streaming on Bandcamp, Spotify, et al.

Try Not To Cry (Cry Anyways)

Lyrics

i think i understand
that i'm in love with you
i always thought it would feel like a crush
but this is something new

  i realized at such a dumb time
  it's 1AM, we're splitting ketchup & fries
  oh god i'm nervous

    my mind is blank, my stomach aches
    my eyes are wide and i can't speak
    i feel scared and unprepared
    dare i let these words touch air

      cuz i don't want to go
      anywhere i've never been
      and i don't want to cry
      or let anyone know how i feel

i'm gonna take the risk
i think you like me, too
i don't wanna have a secret
that i hold from you

  and i will tell you at just the wrong time
  we're both still buzzed from the party last night
  oh god i'm nervous

    my mind is blank, my knees are weak
    my eyes are wide and i can't speak
    i feel scared and unprepared
    dare i let these words touch air

      i don't want to go
      anywhere i've never been
      i don't want to cry
      now everyone knows how i feel

Song Notes


it makes me feel so uncomfortable to be so frank and open about love, but i have to trust that the discomfort is evidence that it's tapping into something real and scary and honest about me, and that hopefully makes it worth it.

Recording Notes

this song is 100% me copping the guitar style of Siamese Dream and i can't believe at 3:04 i think i actually pull off *that* sound.

i need you to know that the only reason why i give a shit about guitar is because of that album. most of the time my songs don't sound anything like Smashing Pumpkins but this is one of the few times where i'm really just going for it. i still think it sounds like an Astro Alloy song more than a Smashing Pumpkins knockoff, though.

so how'd i get the sound? lace sensor strat. layers of op-amp big muffs. there's a small number of people who know exactly what i'm talking about.

it's hard to make something sound "loud" because absolute volume is up to the listener; you have to think about "loud" as a relative thing. which is to say, during the heavy part of this song, the vocals and drums are absolutely buried under these guitars. so if those guitars sound loud, it's just as accurate to say that the vocals and drums are quiet. really makes u think. we live in a society.

Next: (leave me alone)